PROJECT HOUSE : Fixing Before Leaving (Again).

July 14, 2017

"Can we paint those walls outside Kak? This house looks like haunted house from outside," 
- Vinca, 22, maybe single.

Let me tell you the story of our house. When I was kid, I lived in rented house for years before my mom decided to buy house under her name (behind my dad's back, of course, hahaha). Because my dad always believe that we won't stay forever in Batam Island, he wanted us to move to his family house (read: my grandma's house, which is HIS, but.. it's where my grandma's lived).

Besides, we moved from Merauke, to West Java, then to Batam because dad decided to work in Singapore, not far away in Middle East or Rusia or Hongkong like he used to be when he was still single. But sometimes he went to Malaysia, Thailand or Vietnam too. He said that he wanted to be closer to his family, then bring my mom from West Java to Batam. (This explain a lot about my stamps collections from all over the place that my dad went before, I always asked for stamps... If I knew that they sell postcard too, then I will ask him to bring me postcard and foreign currency along with those stamps).

It was roughly 6 years we lived in rented houses. I love the neighborhood, and I was a free child. Morning at school, afternoon at small park played with other kids or cycled our bicycles. Oh, yes, I always skipping the nap time and sneaked in to the garden then jumped out our fence. I did get scold a lot from my mother, but I love playing outside than take a nap. (Now, I prefer nap... long, long, long hours of nap).

He was so furious at my mom when he found out that mom's buying house in Batam. He told her it's unnecessary. But mom always know best. So, let me tell you about mom's logic, at least my mom's logics.

  • When you marry someone, dumb impatient single men but he makes a lots of money, do not let him throw away money only for party (Trust me, he did that A LOT). Help him saving for his mother, his family (especially when he is the oldest brother, older sibling tend to be the man of the family and take care of their younger siblings). This include sign up for children's education fund (my mom asked my dad to signed Allianz Insurance for my education fund plan, help a lot) and buying property under her name.
  • Why under her name? First, dad will be upset if he knows (it's like a world war III when he found out, I remember). Second, Dad was working overseas, he didn't have time to take care all the paper works. He always hate it dealing with people and paper works, so he tend to pay other guy to make it done faster  (Yeah, definitely impatient and this is not good for cost saving efficient). Third, if there will be other bitches who will try to ruin everything, then the house is safe for the children still. 
  • My mom's logic include : Boys will always be boys and you'll never know. First they will tell you that the moon and the star are yours then next day, he will be missing. Just help him to be responsible in 'other ways' as providing and secure on what's important first. Yes, this include let him go with other bitches if he wanted to, but always let him know that the key is still under the doormat. 
  • Boys will love their children but sometimes doesn't know how to love them properly. Other bitches sometimes don't know how to do it better too, unless it's theirs. But they can always try.
  • I believe in you, but not them.

Really long story short. Have nothing to everything then in the end of the day we moved back to my mom's house. 

Honestly, when we have to move from my rented house to our first house, I feel so lonely because I have no friends in the new neighborhood, so I prefer to be at school longer and maybe just stay at room 24 hours, watching MTV and reading comic, manga, or novels or take a course after school and more study.

But it was peaceful. I still had my balance.

draft for master plan

Then after mom left. Dad bought new house, the better one in an instant. I didn't even know he had a lot of money. He always said no to everything I wanted then I don't remember when exactly I never really want anything from anyone. Because I'm tired of asking if I already know the answer would be always NO.

I really didn't want to move to other place even it's more better. But then I had to join them, nothing really changed but I just wanted to be far away. I got accepted to Rafless Design Institute in Singapore, but dad said he won't let me become Fashion Designers (too bad), he wanted me to become like him and sign up for Marine-Merchant Academy in Jakarta or Makassar. 

He was like, I have friends in bla bla bla... I think you can get in... bla bla bla...

Of course I said NO... Are you crazy? Me, going to Marine? Me, working on a ship as a captain ? 
NO WAY MAN... 너 미쳤어?)

I am more attracted to arts and anything beautiful and weird that isn't related to Marine Academy. So, the next day, I just choose to go to study communications at Uni, and threaten my dad with my letter of acceptance from the university.

"Hey, I got accepted. If you don't let me go this time, I will go to my mom, and covert to Muslim, and marry some guy from the village. Then the next year, probably I will become mother too. And there's no way I'm going to Marine Academy. Not now, not ever!"

Then I finally free... until they asked me to come 'home'.

I was really happy to live alone. And I found my own home, which is my best friends, my routine and everything else that's far away from Batam.

There's nothing left for me there...

But then you're growing up. You should know what's the difference of freedom of youth and truly living your life without regrets. I decided to come back, giving all of them second chances. It never always works but it went in an okay way so far.

Long story short, we moved back to our first house which is my mom's and it's like haunted house ^_^ because we didn't live there for long time. Everything in there is old.

When Miranda don't want to move in with Steve, because Steve lives in Brooklyn.

I never wanted to stay in Batam, but right now I guess the right decision is to stay. And in order for making me stay, I need to fix them, so when I'm gone, things are okay too, even without me.

It's like when I left past relationship, I have to have disclosure, full disclosure.
Or when I left for my past job, I need to fix the system and make sure people know how to get it done without me.

Like Nanny McPhee," There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is."

roughly calculations for the needs of how much (kg) or (lt) paint that I need for living room. You gotta be cost effective for everything. ^_^

Now I need to save some money for this whole project. I might start to look for best places to shop first.  Give it a year? Okay then, will be starting on August, after my vacation.


Slowly, slowly...
One step at a time...


To Afraid To Be Greedy & Being Too Much

July 10, 2017

I've spend almost 72 hours to watch 6 seasons of Game of Throne that inspired by The War of Roses in history, except with the Dragon and White Walkers. I've downloaded them since in university since 1st season premier, like 2013 or 2014  but I lost them in folders (And my folders like a series of junk files, I have no idea even if I use 'search feature', I cannot find the right keyword to find those files).

And 4 years later, (...)


Since the end of season 6 revealed that Jon Snow isn't Ned Stark's bastard, he is the only living son of Rhaegal Targaryen, maybe still a bastard too, but he has Stark's and Targaryen's blood, which is he have the back up and support from people from the North and HE IS TARGARYEN. 

If looking back to The War of Roses, Dany and Jon should be married to end the war, but she is his aunt. No idea if incest relationship is allowed, just so weird.

If Targaryen, Lannister, Stark should marry eachother, then.. probably :

- Sansa will accept the fate that she and Tyrion still married.( North and West)

- Or Tyrion could die, so Sansa will marry Lord Baelish ( I don't know, he's good looking despite his manipulative brain, and he is the step father of the Sweet Robin, the Lord of Eyrie, Warden of the East)  (North and East)

-Or Arya Stark should marry Robin. She's the knight while Robin didn't even know how to be a men. They complete each other. Too bad, I love her to be with the guy who has many faces (Jagen H'ghar).
(North and East)

Jon Snow, Lord Commander could marry anyone from South, but I don't know, Queen Margaery is already dead on explosion. So, anyone from House of Tyrell should be okay. But he's the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, so He can't be married to anyone. back to square one. He loved that Wildlings' girl though. Why not? He is the King of The North now until... maybe later when Bran appear for the throne.  But Bran is the Warg. I think he wouldn't mind Jon to take the throne, Bran is a good boy.

Lannister family is so fucked up, nobody want to marry them, except Tyrion, Tyrion is MY FAVORITE. Cercei is so annoying and Jamie is part of Kingsguard, so he cannot married to anyone.

- Dany as the Mother of Dragon and the last Mad King's legitimate daughter for the throne and also the true Targaryen could marry Ser Jorah, from Mormont... because I love Ser Jorah, he looks like my sweet bubu . (West  - North)

OH GOSH, I AM SUCH A NERD!!! (but I do care so much >_<  I want to have my own Valyrian's sword on my wall now... Oh Gosh, whyyy?)

Too Much of Them, Only One of Me

Okay, stop all the interruption now, I want to talk about being greedy.

Lately I feel very very very uncomfortable with myself being greedy and exposed too much with all the social medias I have. 

I'm not the type of person who love to hang out every week, or every two weeks, or ... nah, I don't really like going out. If I must go, I prefer to have my own me time eating fruit salad by the beach, or netflix time. I feel bad about refusing offers to go out, so I just want to hide for awhile from society. If I keep appearing on someone's else timeline, then they will text me and ask me to hang out. And the truth is, I DON'T WANT TO GO. Except for special occasions.

To be honest, I don't even like to step out of my room or even taking garbage outside. Anything that requires me to wear pants, bra or sandals. I hate it.

Sometimes I just wanted to lose my number. or my phone.... hahaha.
My routine are replying emails, cooking, cleaning, texting my group, answering call from mother and texting bubu. Boring, but still exhausted by the end of the day.

There's this advise by older generation, saying, "If someone ask you out, just go out and experience! Don't stay at home"

Me : I don't have time to go out, I love staying at home. Napping make me happy as I couldn't have them when I'm working.

Thankful : Can See, Can't Touch!

Have you ever see something, taste something, experience something you like, really like but only happen for certain period of times or several different occasions?

You will be thankful as if you feel how your life has been blessed so far.

But somehow, it's like a drugs. You want more of it. It's addictive to you.

My rule : Anything too much, is not good.

So, right now I am afraid. I am afraid that I will lose myself become addictive with certain of things. I need to reevaluate them. I used to be strong, this thing make me weak, but I couldn't help it.

Well, I don't do drugs, but anyway, I don't like my self to feel all these constant need. I need to stop and gain my self control back.

Because for me, to hear good news, see good things, taste something, and experience one thing good in life, it's okay too. I should be thankful. 

The most amusing men I love to watch on the show.

So, thank you,



Serious Talk?

July 06, 2017

Last month my sister told me that she wanted to learn how to sew, and we are end up scrolling on our timeline looking for sewing machine, of course the low budget one with the fixed pattern. She wanted to learn how to sew because she wanted to try to have scarf business. Simple idea, buying fabrics and then make scarf out of it.If friends like it, then sell it to them.

As for me, I LOVE Kain Lilit and Kebaya (Indonesian traditional dress). So, I wanted to buy those Batik fabric and make my own kain lilit. As for Kebaya, I think I will just buy them online. 

Since November 2016, I have a plan to spend more time to paint and write and sing and taking photographs but work and taking care of other things always demanding more of my time. So, when I do have a time, I am already exhausted. Do not even mention laundry that I haven't done yet. 

Well, since it's already July 2017, I will try to be more focus of my goals. Doing these things already make me happy. OMG, I'm so easy...... 

I remember the other day, I have major headache and heartburn due to work, sleeping schedule and forgot to eat. Oh, I always forget to eat. I remember in high school, my parent have to brought me to emergency room in hospital in the middle of dawn. And I was so pissed off because of that, I skipped the Physics Examination and have to go to Teacher's office to have the following exam, alone. 

So, yeah... that's just fun fact about me. Anyway, there won't be any serious talk here. Just want to share my water color painting using nothing but leftover water color and 20 cent made in China brush during a long night.

Well, this is actually the behind the scene picture : (Yes, I'm so messy and dirty because I used my take away juice cup after finished all the juice... I feel kinda proud because I'm using only one brush for everything. Don't ask, I've no idea where I put all my brushes).


Bla Bla Bla

Ładnemu we wszystkim ładnie | Ailee - I'll Go To You Like The First Snow |

July 05, 2017

Before I held you, I didn’t know
That the world I was in
Was this bright

I reached you with a small breath of life
It’s a love that called out to me fearlessly

I liked it so much
Watching over you, my heart fluttering
Even when I was ridiculously jealous
All of those ordinary moments

In the dark eternity
In that long wait
Like sunshine, you fell down to me

Before I let go of you, I didn’t know
That the world I am in
Was this lonely

Pretty flowers bloomed and withered here
The season of you will never come again

I started to become greedy
I wanted to live with you, grow old with you
Hold your wrinkled hands
And say how warm my life was

It was just one blessing
After that short encounter
You cried like the rain

I wanted to be happy for once
But that made you cry

Forget everything and move on
Because I will go to you
When your breath calls out to me again

I won’t ever forget
Watching over you, my heart fluttering
Even when I was ridiculously jealous
All of those moments that you gave to me

Some day, we’ll meet again
It’ll be the happiest day
I will go to you like the first snow

I will go to you


PS. You know how I always love Korean Drama, but this one is my favorite. Because it's like watching your reflection on how we will behave in real life (at least how I behave, most of the time).

Bla Bla Bla

Gdzie idziemy?

July 05, 2017

It's been a while again. Too many responsibilities I have to face these 3 years, please bear with me and be patient. Hahaha, wish life isn't that much complicated for clueless person like me. I wonder if I over shared my own private moments sometimes, but it's okay too since they're all laugh for all the funny things (or even sad things) that happened to me. "Don't worry baby, we can always have a good laugh."

Last weeked, just like any other weekend before, I went to church. When I prayed, I just lost in a moment. I don't know what to ask from God. 

To be fair, I have a lot of things I want. Many-many-many things. But I feel sorry for God. I know He can do everything, but to ask Him to do certain things for me make me feel like ... I don't know, like one more ungrateful human. So instead of listing what I want and need, I just wish for the loved one safety and happiness. It's okay, He knows what to do with my life, since I don't. Hahaha...

Hey, I took a break for a while from social media now. I want to be present at my own life and just write and paint and listen to music and think and maybe cry too, I need to cry and laugh or just to feel alive. Nope, I am not even kidding. To be more focus on my 24 hours and be true to myself if I still want the same things as I wish for them to come true.

Don't say good bye to me, describe the sky to me...

It's always the same problem, just different people.

I noticed how her voice got deep when talk about him. She knows what she want but he just not that brave enough yet. Not this time. She knows her limit and boundaries while he only wanted a really great escape, the happy one, the best one but without responsibility of whatsoever. They meant it well, only happiness to one and another but he can't help how the world shaped him, become slightly different person with illusion of happiness. Then she cries on one summer day as she's afraid she might lose him in any second as his mind already wanted to travel to another direction that she's not going to try, as she's sure that direction isn't what she wanted in life. 

Now, she will talk to him this weekend, explaining to him from heart to heart that sometimes, it's okay not to know everything in life, and it's okay too if he couldn't try all the things in life. She's brave enough to accept the pain, because she has been crying for the past 24 hours.

It might take another 2 years to move on, but keep the chin up and hope for the better.
It's okay, it will be okay, she knows what she wants. Right? 

While on the other side, I heard another best friend I know still got in a hook. Dealing with the man that keep running back and forth. This was insane. I know she knows how to handle shit, but he's like this famous Kryptonite. Now she's learning not to care when she's indeed care. To fight against all feelings, even if it's sincere. 

I hope for everything will be alright eventually for both of them.

For some reason, I never delete this couple picture from my phone. I don't even know who they are.

It's funny how some people decided to change themselves to fit in those other people's needs or dreams. Trying to fill those people's need, trying to fit in, but denied her or his own true self. Looks desperate somehow, but maybe I don't really understand when you're trying to branding your image just to make people like you more and hating other people you don't really hate.

Even best friend, the real one, will always laugh at you when you cry over boys, or did something embarrassing in public, but they will always be there, beside you or on the other of the line, listen to how stupid your life decisions are and how ridiculous your logic are.

The idea of being alone is scary, I know as I don't want to be alone in life. I can do everything alone and I also have my squads, but it's different, I know. But to change the 'whole you' as someone you're not, it doesn't feel right. I'm worried if later you'll be happy as somehow, I do care even if we're not that close enough to each other. 

I don't know, sometimes my words don't make sense.

Screenshot of video call with squads, Ivana wasn't available due to work.

What do you want?

Now, let me asking you, do you have a plan for this?
"I don't."
Can you ask him?
Then how if turn out to be... you know?
"I won't."
This is sad, but just tell me if you need my help, okay?

Don't ask woman what she wants, you will never get the full closure as she won't say it before you answer it first. We're designed to be submissive, especially woman in Asia. I don't mean it to sounds like we're not open for changes or new world of feminism, but we simply know 'our place'. Sounds too sad, but actually it's not when you know how to play in your own place. I'm hundred percent support the feminism acts and I enjoy with my own place so far. So, it still win-win.

Lisha-Bery's Engagement 
I told you on my previous post that she's sure now of having this particular person for her future. So glad, as I know how long has it been she's been struggling to decide what she wanted in life. This paragraph is here only to follow up on Lisha's happy moment.

Remember, the one who always  there and brave enough to propose you many times, and rejected many times too, will win your heart. You just... have to try to take your chances.

You Just Have To Believe Too

I never shared stories about this particular person in my life on my blog. But you will see random picture of him on my Instagram account. For his safety, let's call him bubu. He wanted to be called that (I swear I don't make up things, you could just ask him- If you have chance of meeting this favorite person of mine).

I'm happy with the basics, and I decided to trust you because I can't help it, I just believe so.

Lay your head where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me 


The Late Night Talk

June 05, 2017

"Yo, am I his girlfriend already after this?"

"I told him to better ask my mother if he wanted to ask me out."

"I don't want anyone else."

"I wanted to break up, but if i do that, I'm scared that I will be the one that will look for him."

"I'm scared. He gave me ring as a present. Ring! What I am supposed to do with that?"

"Good night, sweet."

"It's normal I guess. In my case, I didn't really like him at first but my dad saw something in him and made me see him in other perspective. Now I'm so in love with him but there was the time I was so insecure that he still in love with his ex girlfriend."

"Well, after broke up with him, I feel like no one is going to be nice enough like him. I dated this new guy I told you guys about but now I know that he's been trying to get back with his ex. But he texted me once in a while. It's confusing at first, but i decided to let this new one go as well. I don't need that kind of negativity again."

"You probably didn't know because you didn't experience my life. But being me is devastated. I never know who's my mom and my dad always give things to me, even he hired me to work in his own company. While even I have an okay step mother, I feel like no one care about my day. So, ever since at high school, I slept with so many guys, I don't even remember how much."

"I just broke up, he cheated on me with man."

"I don't know what I am to him."

"Yoan, do you know what I did to my boyfriend? I gave him deadline to decide on his own."

"Yoan, do you want to travel to Bromo trip with us?"

"Hey, I'm okay, but they just got divorce."

"Do you know my favorite colour?"

"Ah, we should try the new coffee shop."

"I had enough."

"Can you ask your boss for longer leave for Jakarta next year, I'm getting married and I need all of you to help me."

"Yoan, could you tell your sister to send me some credit for pre paid voucher? I'll pay you cash when i see you."

"Do this one suits me?"

"I am so stupid."

"I wanted to tell you that he's coming to Bali next November and he is planning to Jakarta to meet my dad! I am so happy!"

"I think we both should apply for Master degree if we both still not yet married in 2 years."

"I want to live in Bali, would you like to join? Please?"

"I don't want to buy my camera on our next trip. I don't want to be everyone's photographer while I have only few pictures of myself."

"My boyfriend is planning for our date on weekend, can i have your AM shift?"

"I'm going to wait. It's okay if it will take forever."

"Gosh, I'm so impatient."

"What should I reply to him?"

"Can you forward that email, so i can have a copy?"

"I wonder if 5 years from now we'll exchange trivia on how to take care babies."

"It's nice to try sky diving, but too expensive. I'm going to marry the instructor, so I can jump from the plane whenever I want."

"I want to be president, but seeing that i will work with bunch of old man from other century, I think I will withdraw my candidacy."

"Yes, I don't know if it's El Nino or El Nina, but I feel so hot these days."

"I worked overtime today. Help me, save me Yoan!"

"Are you okay?"

"Hey, my texts is not newspapers. Do not just read them... You need to reply to me ASAP."

"I'm cooking, you want to have dinner at my place?"

"Can you make itinerary for our trip?"

"Can you do the benchmarking for the trip?"

"You should treat me drinks."

"This is the watch that i wanted to give to him as birthday present."

"This is his ex girlfriend."

"I feel bad for this, can i say sorry?"

"Bring me some tomorrow, i want to try."

"I'm on family trip to Japan. So, what do you want as a gifts?"

"I'm working so I can travel more and eat great food."

"We're saving for next year. He's going to go to Borneo to meet my parents. Well, that's the plan."

"I want to be in marathon."

"Did you see the latest vlog of her? So damn funny."

"Ahh, read this post about them. So, romantic."

"He thought that she was Korean."

"I love Chico Jericho!"

"Yoan, will you come back to Jakarta soon?"

"When you will be here at Gading Serpong? It's been too long."

"I wanted to go to zoo."

"Let's make her nervous."

"I love Andrew White. Nana Mirdad's fate is just so great."

"What is that?"

"Please stop being insane. I think he's okay."

"Yoan, you should sleep."

"You already wake up or haven't sleep since last night?"


La beauté des petites fleurs [Short Story]

May 18, 2017

It's to young to give up for anything you wanted in life. So, what about give in?
It was like another life time passed by without even someone narrated it. 

"How could you accepted the fact that you can make something out of it, yet you choose to let it go?" The older woman with grey hair looked at her, pitiful.

It was like another Dexter, keep on loosing chances with Emma in 1988. While it was clear on 1940, they're together, were never married and never saw each other again once he left for war.

One of the guy in the back sit, the fat one with the white shirt and crocked halo, tries to stand up but then give up and keep eating his popcorn. He take a deep breath and counting to three. Then he whispers to the little girl with gold hair next to him, " I guess both of them are bad people, really bad people in their previous life."

The little girl with the same star wand as the other angel then stand up and kick the chair in front of him and yelled at God, " You couldn't do this to my Cecilia. I'm her guardian since her soul trapped in the world 800,000 years ago, At least You should tell me what will happen to her in the next 20 years or give her at least one chances in her lifetime to actually live the life she deserves. I only have this job because I really want to see if Cecilia or Emma will eventually have one!"

God doesn't talk back nor answer her frustration. After all this little girl is only 800.100 years old, she doesn't know how heaven works for people who still trap in the world. But at the beginning God did explain something to this little girl that Cecilia or Emma or whatever name she had or will ever have in future, that she will be reunited for the great purpose when she's ready.

Even angels are impatient to wait for this to happen. It's not like the other human that could only have 7 times and usually made it at the end. It's already 800.000 years and she was born 1968 times already. 

Everyone in this very room is confuse.

She was never be one of those important people while she lived or live or will live in the world.
She was never invented anything or being written as poet or painted by important artist.
She's far from anything that belong to the world.

Even if she vanished today, no one will ever look for her.

"Her love is blind, which is why she is special and one of a kind," Mother walks down to the room, surrounding by her own grace. 

With eyes full of mercy, she sits in a broken chair and hold her little girl hand and whispers," Trust me, just have faith in me, she will be okay."

Not even Robbie, or Dexter in the end of day will be there for her, all the kingdom of heaven will cherish her life. Because she's one of a kind, 

After all, we live by faith, not by sight. Yes?

So, how are you today? 

Don't Worry Baby

March 23, 2017

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?


Dina Sagita, S.I.Kom, after my thesis defence day and finally Yoan Letsoin, S.I.Kom- 9 February 2015
Being a girl isn't easy. Well, I'm thinking the same for boys as well. But remember those days and late night girl talk about future. What kind of life that we will be having in future? Will it be whatever we always wanted to be or will it be everything in life we always wanted to avoid?

When life was only between university, concert, social activities, travelling and exams. Most of them were exams, take home test or just bullshitting about political issue at local street food outlets for hours.

I missed those days. No, not the exams.

Fell for boys then again fell out for them as well. Talked and shared dreams with your best friends were the best. Still are one of the best things in life you could experience.

I've heard two happy news from my best friend, Dina. She's planning for things in September. I cannot wait to flight to Jakarta and be there for the event. We were pretty sure Ivana or Nuranti will be the first best friend to invite me over for the event, but Dina just did and I couldn't be more happy for her.

While she never said anything before to me, I just knew. She didn't even have to tell me things, she's one of our troops, of course things don't have to be explained. We knew and we always know.

"I get ready, I get all dressed up
To go nowhere in particular
It doesn't matter if I'm not enough
For the future or the things to come
'Cause I'm young and in love"- Lana Del Rey

While the other best friend of mine in Batam, already bugged me so much to attend to her event on April 29th. Lisa was like, "Don't go anywhere on 29th April and be there for my birthday!"

Turned out she's preparing her engagement party on her birthday with the guy she has been dating for...ever. She finally say yes to his proposal. He proposed like hundred times already, while she was still confuse here and there.

Once upon a movie night with Lisa, 11 December 2016

You know, lesson learned from Lisa is the rich one, or the smart one and the good looking one will be beaten by the one who always be there through good and the bad. 

While from Dina is, you just need to be patient and open your heart for new possibilities. Things will happen if it's meant to be happen (with the one you always avoid).

My Dearest Ivana and Nuranti, while these girls and some of our friends already have another step. Just remember to be grateful and take one step at a time and listen to Lana Del Rey, or my mother, "Don't worry baby..."

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power, but we never say never

Yoan Helen Letsoin

I need to get new notebook, new cell phone as well. Until saving up for more, then I will share some boring stuff like politic and things that are serious that will make you hate me, because it's not  that amusing to read. 


March 22, 2017

Ada yang hilang.
Melepaskan karena tak pernah terikat.

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True Love Stays True

March 06, 2017

He's amazing, you couldn't screw this one up!- Jan 20th 2017-

Oh Tuhan,
Kucinta dia
Kusayang dia
Kurindu dia
Inginkan dia.

Utuhkanlah rasa cinta di hatiku.
Hanya padanya

Untuk dia.

And I... am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I... will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Sometimes you have to admit, for some girl like me (probably you too) will be exaggerated about some day dreamy true love story. It's always unique and make your heart warm for several moment, probably you will remember the stories to pass to your other clique or write it down to your journal, until it forgotten and you decided that there's no such thing until you try to believe in it again.

The idea of love sometimes is more tempting rather than the love itself. I believe there's also the form of ugly love. Love that so fragile but neither of them don't know how to deal with it until it sunk like a broken ship. I'm sorry, I'm exaggerated right now.

You don't know what hits you until you experience it yourself. You think you know? You don't! Stop feeling like you know everything. Even if you're already on your 70s, I don't think you already experience everything. And every form of relationship is unique. Different man, different woman, different experience you would have. Though somehow it feels familiar and similar, you cannot be stubborn and generalize every person.

But if you think you cannot change yourself to be better person and always think that every man or every woman are just the same, then good luck with your life. And really, if every man or every woman who did ever broke your heart are just the same like everybody else, then why confuse to pick just one? I mean you thought they are all the same right? Think again.

I never really have picture on my brain that I will pass 40 (Sorry, just a hunch... but really, I don't really want to live forever). But it always sad when you heard someone you know passed away when they are too young.

Too young to die. But is there any perfect time to die?

You'll go when you already finish your fight and found the one that worth fighting for.

I also live by faith, not by sight.

I'm not that worried of having someone dearly near me through this life as I can do things by myself, but I don't want that. I know I will find that person, in this life or any other life I will have. But in this life, I will do the best that I can to experience love to its purest form.

In the sea of lovers without ships
And lovers without sight
You're the only way out of this
Sea of lovers losing time
And lovers losing hope
Will you let me follow you ?
Wherever you go
Bring me home

Live means to be celebrate, even if you have bunch of responsibilities line up like crazy. I always wanted to play in this world like kids. I mean it will be fun to have friend to share your wild crazy adventure. This big world will be my playground.

And kids will fight over everything. But always find a way to be friend again and laugh at some weird memorable picture.

Ah this post dedicated for Laurentia Firsta (1993-2017) and Mario Alfonso (1988-2016).

It's amazing how you guys spend years of relationship (I think it was 7 years) then married for amazing 2 months before Mario went to better place and how your friends said that you always missed Mario and always remembered how it was one of the beautiful things that could ever happened to you. Rest in peace Kak Firsta, I believe you are already reunited. Because true love stays true. Even after death.

To infinity and beyond. Always.

The one that will always patiently waiting, 
(For the first 5 years or more...)

Yoan Helen Letsoin

Ps. Too much tears today, I feel like I wanted to make myself calm by writing this post. But I do want to have what you guys had.