Personal Thoughts

Welcoming 2018 : Congratulation Papa, You're Okay Now.

January 08, 2018

December 30, 2017 was the last day of his life on earth. All endings are also the beginnings, we just don't know it at that time. I hope he and all of us that still stay would ever find and make peace within ourselves.

Just like majority of all father, my dad was no exception. He worked so hard until one day he no longer could do it.

It's not that bad to grow up with busy father, it help me to be more independent as my mama is so so so innocent (OMG, I can't even understand why she could be that naive and innocent for someone that is older than me). I mean I am naive too, but she's more naive than me. 

But it's okay. It must be the best decision at that time. I had nothing to complain. He have done his best.

For all of his sacrifices in life for me, for the whole family. I will forever thank him for that and wish that I could do the same for others in future.

So much of things that I want to tell you but you always feel so awkward every time you're around me as if I would make you nervous.

That one time in 2007 or 2008 in Singapore when you didn't feel so awkward to be near me. 

I want to write so many great moments with you but I think I would just keep it inside me for now as I feel so so so lucky to have a father after all. 

Thank you Papa, for having and loving me.

Your super amazingly annoying daughter,
Your first real love (yes, I am sure of that, because you're my papa and I am your first born. I mean you must be excited and waited to have me, I hope I don't embarrass you that much).

Yoan Letsoin

Ps. I miss the time you yelled at me and thank you for supporting me to be fan girl to Jonas Brothers and follow all handsome boys around, watching MTV and be weird emmo teenager who always angry towards things, it help me so much with my English lesson btw. Ah, don't worry, if I ever be stubborn girl... which is always, I always take my brain with me too as you wished.

To all father in this world,
You are loved.

Story of My Life

Thank You 2017

December 27, 2017

It will be the end of the year 2017 soon. First of all, I would love to thank all of you for being a part of my life. Laugh with me, cry with me or even fight with me. Thank you. I couldn't thank more.

2016 was really something for me as I think I was so confuse on how to live my life. You know, people have their dreams as I have mine. There're bunch of things I really wish to have and to do, then I forgot, even though I have so many hopes and dreams, I also live in a real life when I must cope with the reality.

2016 was the moment when I accept the fact that I am mortal, I have limitations on several things, I must also accept that being self absorb won't get me anywhere good. 

2016 also the turning point when I decide what my priorities are.

I know all of these theories of life ever since I was kid, but to be in the exact moment you have to practice what you had been taught for years would still be hard on you.

Yes I have limitations on several things but it help me to realize that I must learn more things to break through those limitations. It's okay to wait, progressing and enjoy the journey.

I would love to thank people in my 2016 for the best moments in 2017 so far.

I start to appreciate little things. Job that I have, my parents, my sister, my lazy brother, my new 80 cents glass, my broken cell phone that works perfectly fine, my sketch books, my best friends, my bubu, my fresh laundry, my netizen's funny comment on Instagram stories, my boss' and coworkers's silly jokes, my narrow kitchen, ... so many things.

I also love to watch all of you progressing. Fall in love, new job, study more, get married, birthdays, have fun while travelling, spend time with loved one, having babies, get promoted, start your small business, all of the funny silly boomerang moment. I am so proud of all of you and sincerely wish you guys to tackle all the hardship in life and live a happy happy and happy life.

It's okay too to be sad, to cry or to hate the world for 5 minutes. But don't stay in the dark for really long time. It's never to late to hope and to dream and to list what your priorities are.

To my dear sister, Vinca, 
I hope you to graduate and have your bachelor degree on 2018, soon and we could make another family picture with Dad, Aunt, Kenny, you and me, and put the picture in our small living room. Make our dad proud and encourage our little brother to achieve more in life as we know that education is important.

To my dear brother, Kenny,
I hope you could find things you want to study and be brave and proactive enough to do some research and be a gentleman with standard and the sense of responsibility in your life and others' as well. 

To my mom, 
Are you seriously asking me to buy padi field for you? Hahaha... Mom, I love you but this is just so funny. Let me see what can I do about that. But later, not now. Oh and yes, I will bring that person, but later too. So, sorry you have to wait as your daughter still need more time too. I love you!

To my dad,
Hey, can you stay strong? I love you too big boss! Oh, I have boyfriend btw. Nope, we're not going to talk about it until I'm ready. I will tell you when I am ready because this is awkward. Ok, bye. 

To my aunt,
I appreciate you and all the things you have done for us. So, thank you. I couldn't ask for any better step mother. It's okay if you are sad for several things but don't be sad if you feel like I don't care. Of course I care. 

To my other family, by this I mean my cousins, 
Kids, you need to finish you study first. Don't be crazy over girlfriend or boyfriend if you still receive your pocket money from your parents and couldn't even pay your own bills. Text and call your parents once a while just to talk to them and say I love you to them. Well, if you made their day, it's possible that your parent will give you extra pocket money ( I tried this many times when I was still study in school - and it always works).

To my best friends,
You are all really my friends for life, I am sorry if I am too busy or too lazy to go outside and spend time with you guys. Anyway, I am only one chat away. Oh, sorry for late respond too, as sometimes I just don't want to answer calls or text you right away. I don't know why, I have no excuse. I love you.

To my bubu,
I need you to stay alive and stay with me. I wish to have you for really long time. Really, really really long time. Please always come back to me safely. 

Last but not least,
To all of you who read this post,
I'm so sorry if I happened to cause you some problem and hurt your feelings somehow.
I promise you that I never have any intention to hurt anyone.
Please if you ever think that what I have done to you was wrong, or you feel like to warn me, or correct me somehow, you can always tell me. I'm okay with any suggestions.
Or if you also need an explanation on things that related to you, just ask me. Don't keep it to yourself and losing the chance to have peaceful life next year.



Bla Bla Bla

The Art of Getting Your Shit Together : Where Should I Start ?

October 23, 2017

It’s been 2 years passed since our graduation day. How is life treating you so far? I hope it’s bearable and you could find and still always want to try to work and resolve all the issue in your life. If you still couldn’t manage it, hey, hanging there. This too, shall pass. After all, life happens to everyone.
It’s a bit late, almost 2 AM in the morning. But since I have to clean my sister laptop from all of these malware program, I think I will write something useful.There’s several issue, I think most of us concern more in this early 20s. Some of us getting married or have their first born this year, so we’re kind of “Man, I don’t even have boyfriend/girlfriend!”
Or maybe some of you still struggle at workplace or wander around looking for your suitable conventional job. Think of how you could contribute more in order to get to the next step, manager position, or higher and higher. Or maybe you’re so trigger to open new start up, but still don’t have courage enough to hustle.
Also, there must be some of you wanting to continue to get your master degree as soon as possible. This thing, I could relate.
But for today edition, we’re going to talk about money.

Money Problem

I know, talk about money is kind of awkward sometimes for almost anyone. Because you don’t want to look like you’re having less than anyone you know. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. But after this, you must learn (at least try) to be honest with yourself and on how you spend your money.
Like anyone you might know. I was so bad on manage my own money. I still remember how proud I was receiving my paycheck on my first paying job as E-Commerce in Hotel. Working in hotel means that you will have minimum wage, but also service money. The service money sometimes is higher than your salary.
But I wasn’t really good with my money. After settle every bills, I spend too much on shoes and food and my entertainment budget. It’s easy to ask me out to cafe or late night movie or karaoke, since I could be so royal with my own money. I ended up having 0 balance on my bank account almost every month because, honestly I did’t know what is the effective way on saving money.
I didn’t have anyone to teach me on how I supposed to manage it. I was so selfish that I rejected my mom advice and help to manage my money. I got better and lucky for my second job as Sales Manager in Korean company. I got better paycheck and I decided to have my own health insurance, beside BPJS Kesehatan (health insurance that held by our government).

Health Insurance is A Must (Stop Making Excuses That You Don't Need One).

I mean, it’s good to have BPJS Kesehatan, but I almost died in April 2016 after the motorcycle accident when I was treated as second class citizen because I used BPJS Kesehatan in the registration. They didn’t take my accident seriously. Later on, when I couldn’t breathe, I went to another hospital to get treatment, I asked my aunt to register but not using BPJS Kesehatan. I get better treatment, but the hospital bill was kind of sucked all my money.
I decided to get Prudential health insurance (this is not paid article, you can have any other health insurance as you wish), because my agent is also my friend who is so responsible with everyone's investment. I could recommend them to help you choose on what kind of health insurance you want to have or might need.
Trust me; one of the things you need to have is your own health insurance. Maybe BPJS Kesehatan will get better and better in time, but until then don’t risk your own health. Being sick these days is so expensive. So, you need at least to have one. ( I can go on on how having insurance is a must, and the conspiracy behind all the expensive hospital's bill, but no. we're not going to talk about that in this post).

Pay All Your Bills (Before Due Date)

After that, you need to know what your monthly regular bills are.
For me, it would be water, electricity, groceries, phone, data package, transportation, food, insurance premium. List all of them that you need to spend. And save the rest of the money after you aside some for your entertainment budget.
Budgeting is necessary. You will see your own cash flow. How much you receive, spend and save. Knowing how much you spend in a month, will help you better to do the forecast on budgeting and your plan on saving more. Look at your bills and you can compare them to previous month's bills. Either the usage of water/ electricity or anything is still normal, or not.
Make sure you pay all your bills before its due date. Sometimes, if you don't pay the bills on time, you will have to pay the fine.

Separate Your Checking and Saving Account

Have at least 2 bank accounts. One is for checking account (your debit card, to receive your paycheck and to settle all your monthly bills), and the other account for saving. I would suggest Danamon Lebih for saving account because of its benefit. But yes, you can try to find better Bank that you can trust for saving.
After know how much you spend monthly. Try to transfer the rest of the money to saving account.
This is the problem with most of us, even was a problem with me. I LOVE TO SEE THAT BIG IMPRESSIVE NUMBER after I get my paycheck.
I know that it’s impressive to see that big number on your checking account after you receive your salary by the end of the month, but YOU NEED TO TRANSFER THE REST OF THEM to saving accounts after you have paid your bills.
After it all went to saving account, the next mantra is, “DO NOT USE YOUR SAVING ACCOUNT TO PAY YOUR BILLS, OR WITHDRAW THE MONEY!”

Have Credit Card ONLY When You're Ready.

If you have credit card, means that you have credit account too. If you have credit card, just be responsible pay all the credit card bills on time. If you are thinking of having credit card, my recommendation would be DON’T HAVE IT!
Don’t own credit card if you couldn’t manage your money properly or be responsible of your own consumerism behavior. Always pay everything in cash is better.
My previous work place have this deal with Bank A, because the company I worked for asked for loan to this Bank A. So, Bank A suggested that all the employee's paycheck should be transfer through Bank A. Which means, that the employee, including me have to open an account with Bank A.
But during the socialization of this changes, the sales representative of Bank A was invited to our company to talk about the benefit of opening an account in Bank A and of course do the cross selling of other Bank A's product, like CREDIT CARD. And some of my colleagues applied for this credit card application.
Bank will always offer you this CC product. And if you really need one, make sure you REALLY NEED ONE. If it's only for show, just stop yourself. Is it worth it to have a debt that you need to settle every month for some period of time? (Well, you can be in debt when you buy a house later in life - because house is so expensive, you might need a loan to buy such things - in future or when you're ready).
I know some of you work freelance and sometimes the transactions should be done with PayPal Account. To open PayPal account and link it to your bank, you don't necessary need credit card. You can have your debit card, but ask your bank if they provide VCN (Virtual Card Number) to link your PayPal with your bank account.

Grow Up and Lose Your Bad Habit

I mentioned that in late 2015 and early 2016, my life was about hanging out with friends after work in a cafe, watch movie, karaoke, etc. I decided it was all unnecessary, so I stop going out with them. It’s not that I don’t like them anymore. It’s just that I think I need to stop this consumerism behavior.
Some of them kind of feel awkward and now we’re not really talk anymore since I rejected so many hang out invitation. At first I kind of feel bad. But let me tell you this. It is OK to not to ALWAYS going out with your friends. But you can manage fancy lunch every month with your friends just to catch up on each other’s lives. True friend will understand and still be your friend.
Source :

I never really have problem with fast fashion shopping, since I don’t really like to shop for clothes. But some of you might have problem with it. Instead of buy cheap clothes, you should buy that expensive one that can last 3-5 years. I bought this rider boots on May, I love it. It’s quite expensive, but it last long than any of my heels or sandals. Now, I wear my boots everywhere and I’m happy.
I’ve been doing this for about a year now. And I must say, this things work on me and also these are the few things you need to do to begin.

Sometimes We Couldn't Afford Experience and That's OK

"You need to travel while you're still young. Travelling can expand your point of view about life and it's good for experience!"
Yes, of course I agree that travel to some places might expand your point of view about life. It is true. But remember, even when you're old, you can still travel and still want to travel the world.
I assume you want to travel the world like normal people, not like those tourist who just do it without better calculation and end up lay around the street and be a beggar. To travel to some place, you need better planning (Accommodation, transportation, etc.), and travelling cost you money.
You can work on your savings and make the budget for your next travel plan. But I would suggest don't force yourself to travel when you don't have the budget or better plan.
Last minute trip to Abang Island. Credit to Budi Fernandes

Hey, you don't have to envy your friend who travel every month to some unique destination. Just be happy for them and start make better planning with your travel budget.
One of my bucket list is to see the Northern Lights. And you know what, my mantra would be,"Northern lights is already there before I was born and would still be there and not going anywhere soon. Even if I am 100 years old."
Sometimes we couldn't afford experience and that's okay.
Okay, quick recap!
  • Know your monthly expenses
  • Have health insurance
  • Pay your bills on time
  • Aside some for your entertainment budget
  • Cut off everything unnecessary and it’s okay to reject your friend invitation to hang out.
  • Buy high quality and long lasting product
  • Open you saving account.
  • Be true to yourself and be responsible of your own spending mistake.

If you want more financial advice on how to take control of your life, invest and spend wisely. You could subscribe and watch this The Financial Diet channel on Youtube. They’ve opened my eyes. I just want to share this good content in order to be your better version of you.
And if you need to have health insurance beside BPJS, I could recommend two people who can take care of your health insurance plan. I trust them because they act like human first before they act like your financial adviser. They are happen to be hardworking people since I know two of them in university.
Just in case you need their advice on what kind of insurance you’re going to need, here are their contacts;

*) PS: I don’t gain anything/ receiving anything to recommend these people. I have good experience with them. Two of the best people in this world.

xx Kasih

Bla Bla Bla

Surprising Invoice, New People, Mystery Series, Baking Pumpkin Pie and Buy Sewing Machine

September 12, 2017

Four days off after really long hours of work. I don't know but I feel like nowadays I kinda work really hard, but in reality, I just did the job as usual. Not to mention, I still love to do the dishes at home, but 100% I am giving up to make everything tidy.

Actually before off days, I plan to go to swimming pool and practice, but then I change my mind because I couldn't decide to go in the morning or late afternoon. And I always wake up when the sun is above my head and it was too hot to go outside.

Surprising Invoice
After watching how Christina made some homemade seafood dishes, I asked my little brother to go to market and buy some chicken, or fish or squid or cuttlefish. Now I'm craving for food again. 

But short story, I ended up in ATM Machine, empty handed and just decided to pay my electricity bill for September 2017. And it was like... surprised!!! Because usually I paid around IDR 800,000 or if we save some energy, will be around IDR 400,000 to 500,000 but this time is only IDR 122,000 so something must be wrong with this.

I will not argue, or whatever. I'm still confuse why is it not 'normal' ... 
But anyway, this means I have extra money this month. 

New People
Hey, we have new people in office this week. I'm so happy. Looking forward to work together with them as they seems really nice person to work with and plus side, they are guys. I feel like I can work better with guys than girls. 

I do better with girls in term of talking about juicy news or celebrity or shopping.

Yes, excuse me for being too honest.

I know these people are straight from ICT major, so I will have to catch up with them, It's okay I have time to learn.

Mystery Series
Hallmark literally blew my mind. I had no idea that they do have mysteries series, light mystery cases with woman as the detective. Remind me of Jane Marple's series or Nancy Drew. I just love ir so much, I couldn't stop streaming for another episode.

So far I'd finished Garage Sale Mystery, and on my way to finished Murder, She baked and Aurora Teagarden series. 

Baking Pumpkin Pie

I miss hang out and have lunch in Anchor!!! Their southern (American) food are good one, because the owner is from there. Best pumpkin pie and everything. Seriously, even the food there. A bit expensive, but so worth it.

I decided to bake my own pumpkin pie. mine, taste like my usual Milk Tart recipe but this time with pumpkin. Not a total failure, since it tastes good but just mine doesn't have the right texture yet.

Buy Sewing Machine

Ah, because I have extra money from electricity bill this month, I treated myself  with new portable sewing machine.

I don't know how to sew yet. But I have goals to make some dresses I wanted to wear, make dresses from scratch (buy the fabrics, etc). I can't wait. 

So, these few things are the update this week.
I'm looking forward to share you some good news about me, my friends or ehm.. my someone important.



Rancangan Limpah Kebaikan

August 07, 2017

When everyone in life fails you, disappoints you, He is the one who would never do that to you.

When my heart has been hurt
Teach me to give the heart to forgive
When my life has been judged
Teach me to give love heart

Forgive me, if I feel unable to forgive those who sins against me

Like the Father's heart
Forgiving, loving, no strings attached.

Thank you, for having me. 
Love, Kasih.

Bla Bla Bla

Heartbreak is Our National Anthem

August 05, 2017

Am I going to ruin every relationship I have like Taylor Swift? Of course not... But these few weeks has been depressing to me lately. I mean, my heart was broken knowing that Chester is gone and now some of my friends are dealing with their breakup.

I got emo, real emo last year because had to break up. I realize, even if you didn't actually have the real feelings, breaking up just... sucks.

Well, I know exactly what they feel, so I am like, Let it out girls....

So, yeah it's been depressing to hear the exact same story over and over again.

Wish life can just be Kodaline and Payung Teduh.

Ah, that remind me, Payung Teduh (my favorite, Indie-Jazz-Keroncong-Folk) just release their new MV. So, indie. Just uber driver with his passengers. Low budget and just consist everything I love in their MV, simplicity.

Again, Less is more.

Check the official MV and the great cover by Tereza.

I know it's cheesy AF, but whatever, many more to come. Hahaha




The One Who Believe In You

July 28, 2017

When you fall in love (Ehm, let's just say it's the L word - and pardon me for being cheesy), have you ever feel like you want to be your better self each days? And constantly think to enhance yourself in order to deserve the other person.

I remember when I had girl talks in Pizza Hut, there was older lady next to our table, tried to feed her kids. Two sons, seems great. The older brother seemed to be impatient with his mother tried to calmed his autistic little brother. That lady always looked back at us whenever his little son being hyperactive, like asked for our permission because disturbing the perfect environment for talk. Needless to say, we didn't care because he's a kid and we enjoyed our talk about boys too much that anything didn't bother us.

"Like, he's more than me in this way, this way and this way," my friend said.
"Well, I think we should learn and study more so we can be the woman in their standard, you know..'" I replied.

Then after feed her sons, the lady went to cashier and presumably paid her bills. She then turned to our table and said hello to us.

She said, " I couldn't help but overheard you girls talking, I would like to advise you girls to find your equal when it comes to men you want to be serious with in future. Education is important, so if you have good education background, always find a men with at least same education background as you. If he have higher education background, then you have to improve yourself so you can be his equal."

Then we said thank you to her.

Not everyday, well, never. There was never someone before from the next table would come and advised you and your friend about men. This was our first time and we both perfectly agree with this lady.

Last night I watched some girl's vlog when she still in high school. She wanted to live far away from home and everybody against her, except her dad who will give her the word of encouragement and support. 

She worked at three different job to pay her tuition and books and one day she left with nothing. Not even single penny to buy something to eat. She drank water for 5 days straights. I teared up a bit when I heard her telling this story.

She later got some dinner from her boarding house's owner. She said she is forever grateful.

She added that she didn't even bother to ask for her family for help with money and her problems because her family would always have negative thoughts or said,"Why you live far away from us? That's your own fault."

Well, she went there far away from her family, because she wanted to go to high school. She didn't want to stay in village and become just another girl who didn't finish high school and get married early. 

She's now happily married with the man who happen always encourage her to do what she loves, plus two minions on the pictures. Ah, that would be just... perfect goals.

I get it when someone don't believe in you and you are too afraid to start it alone by yourself. I must say, if I didn't have support from my dad to learn English, for example, I won't be able to write this, have my perfect grade, or even communicate with bubu (one of the most important person).

From my mom. I learn how to love without even asking for anything in return. To love itself give you ... ehm kind of happiness and satisfaction (again, I know I'm being cheesy again - Sorry, but not sorry - because it's true). And from dad, at least my dad, I learned to forgive and to be brave. He taught me a lot about courage. Probably if I'm someone else's daughter I won't be this brave.

To be honest, sometimes I am afraid, but I don't want to think. Think makes you over analyze and be insecure about any risk. As for me, I just do. Well, it doesn't matter it will be right or wrong in the end, I just do. If you're right then it's good, if you're wrong just be brave to say you're wrong and you're sorry. 

But anyway, today post isn't to tell you about my mom or dad. Nowadays, I start to believe again, in sketching. I already buried that dreams away as no one ever support me. Literally, no one ever did. (Except that admission staff from Rafles Design Institute and my elementary school mates who always asked me to design their wedding gown when we grow up).

I miss sketching so much.

But my main goal is to design and at least capable of using sewing machine to make my own dress. It's like revenge time for doing what I wanted to do since I was little girl.

I'm not a princess, not an army, I am just a girl who loves to design.

So, when someone said it to me that I can totally do it, the one who believe in me isn't only them, but also me.

Thank you, and probably many more sketch to come. I hope you enjoy.

Kasih Letsoin

Personal Thoughts

Depression & When It Hits You Like Crazy

July 25, 2017

I don't remember when exactly I hear this questions, maybe some friend asked me before, maybe I over heard it on some old movie or TV Series, but the question was, " Why does every beautiful melody always sound so sad?"

I like sad songs, sad rhythm, sad melodies, say instruments. Does it make me masochist? Maybe. I don't really recognize me as a masochist person, but I leave it to you to decide. It doesn't matter to me what's the answer. Because neither of us know the right answer to answered the question if I am or if I am not.

From earliest stage of life, my biggest influence in music was my dad. English music, The Beatles, MLTR, Michael Jackson, Elvis, Chicago, Scorpion, ABBA, and much more. But later in life, I find my own self with my own music, from classic French, Punk, Jazz, Rock and Roll, every genre.

I find freedom and peace in music, especially singing (and painting and sketching and sewing - but later on I'll write on that part).

Even if I'm tired, really tired. When I got home and ready to sleep, I will sing. And suddenly I'm not tired anymore. Music is my painkiller.

I told you piece of my childhood story and it wasn't the great one. So, I need me some music, to get by. I didn't really have anyone to speak to, so during those time, I would just listen. Listen to other people's sadness. And realizing that I was okay, it's normal. Some people would understand as they had it too.

Things that made me happy were watching other people being happy. Like, someday, it's possible to be like them. Well, now I know the theory. When you're grateful, and decided to be happy, then you're happy.

But during those teenage years, I didn't know if it possible as I felt constant pain from others. But onced again, I listen to sad music, to feel related to other and not feeling alone.

And then I became a fan girl.

I'm fan girl to anything mainstream during 2005-2011, especially Jonas Brothers and The Script.  I always go crazy over them.

I must say, not so many rock band will move me to listen to their songs unless they're Alter Bridge or those classic Muse, The Killer, The Who, etc... But Linkin Park came on perfect timing. I listen to them on MTV Asia, for Numb and then I browse all their songs, and I fell for several of them. My favorites are Numb (yeah, everybody loves Numb), Leave Out All The Rest, New Divide, and What I've Done.

I stop watching MTV when I studied in Jakarta, so I lose track on what's new and what's not.
I don't remember exactly when, but when I watched Transformer then Iridescent played as the soundtrack.
I have no idea whose song is that, but I recognize the voice and suddenly I cried at the end of the movie as the lights was up. I browsed it, it was Iridescent by Linkin Park and I was right It was Chester's voice. I remember his voice.

Iridescent made me cry at the cinema. Just like what Numb and Leave Out All The Rest did to be before.

And then few days ago, I got news that Chester's gone. I cannot explain why, but I feel really sad. The only reasonable explanation is I was his fan. I grow up listening to his music and feel related at some point. Now he's gone. One of my friend agreed and said, "Another part of our childhood is gone."

To be honest, there was one part of life I'm thinking of end it all. Like I'm done with you people, I am so done dealing with all of these things. But at the same time I didn't want to be selfish as I have my part to play. If I won't do it for me, I will use myself to do it for someone. I told you, I'm happy if somebody else is happy because of me. I take it as my validation that I'm useful to make people at least smile. 

Just this morning, after my shift ended, I took a bus to home. I put my playlist on shuffle, on the way home Leave Out All The Rest played. I seed my tears on the bus. I tried to hold it, but I just couldn't. I feel so sad on a sunny bright and hot day. 

Maybe somehow you might think that I'm exaggerated and I have no rights to say this but that day, he broke my heart when he's gone. As if, my hope is crashing down.

I can't imagine how broke Talinda's heart now. But at least, you've found her, right? Something to be grateful. Because no one should just go without have the chance to meet their other half. Even short period of time would be just fine.

But then I listen to my playlist, he made it so beautiful. The message through his songs.

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared

But no one would listen cause no one else cared

After my dreaming, I woke with this fear

What am I leaving, when I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest. Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating, I've shared what I've made

I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well

Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are.

When you were standing in the wake of devastation

When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying, "Save me now!"
You were there, impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.

And every second I waste is more than I can take.
And I know I may end up failing too.
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

- Leave Out All The Rest, Iridescent, Numb (Linkin Park) -

Thank You,

Just anoher kid in the corner that feel the same about anything and listen to you a lot, most of the time.

You have another reason to be missed from me.
You might not the most successful person, or president of something or those great people in history, but you did help me to feel. 

You tried to fight your demon, and you lost.
But we are all know you tried so hard and encourage us while you're not even the strongest one.

So, again thank you.

RIP Chester Bennington