I wonder if we are happy

September 13, 2014

It's been a week, lately I've been thinking about some of people from my past. They were friends, acquaintances, best friends and frienemies. 

We had the same live those day when our biggest problem was just Maths or Physics. Now I've seen them somewhere else, having cute little babies, becoming a mother, marry some guy I don't even know, broke the relationship with family and living far-far away from home, While some other also have some special thing's going on with their live, meeting the President, take a tour worldwide, starting a new business and becoming local celebrities.

I'm just wondering if they're all happy with their live right now. And then reality hits me. Am I happy?

To be honest, I don't know how to answer that question. I'm sure I am not sad or unhappy right now, but the thing is I am not full of joy either.

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A few days ago something happened again. The same classic story. I was like all alone in my room, sending prayer to God and distract myself by playing games. Mom asked me if I was fine on the phone. I reacted like a robot and told her I was fine and everything's fine so she didn't have to worry about anything.

I called him that night, He laughed for a minute and latter told me he was fine, everything's fine. What a total bull****. I knew something happened before but he refused to told me as if everything was fine. 

I understand if he didn't need my help for anything, because sometimes, even in the hard situation, I won't asking for anybody's help because I'm used to living that way. I always have things done my own. That's why since  elementary school the boys never look at me as a girl and I'm appreciated when someone treats me like a girl. 

One of my senior said to me that She couldn't wait to get the hell out this place and start her own live somewhere.

Can I say that when I have this accountability towards other things?

You know, you're an adult when you don't only think about yourself. You're an adult when you feel the responsibility of other people's lives. In my case, I think about my sister and brother. I was selfish and always demand dad and mom to me more, but right now, I just want to looking out for my sister and brother as their big sister.

I think as long as I have my family, I'm gonna be okay.

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So, yes. I think I am happy.
For all my friends, acquaintances, family, and frienemies wherever you are, I hope and pray that you are happy. And yes, I miss you guys.

Here's song by my favorite Francoise Hardy for your night lullaby.


All over the world, people must meet and part
There's someone like me feeling a pain in their heart

Some may meet again under that same bright star
If maybe some night, you come back from afar
Who cares if tonight, I don't know where you are

Are you thinking of me now, missing having me around
If you have forgotten me, my world will come tumbling down

All over the world, others are sad tonight
There's someone like me, atching the sun's fading light

All over the sky, there is the same warm glow
Here under that star, I'm wanting you to know
Wherever you are, that I still love you so.



Yang lagi kena flu, batuk, pilek dan demam,

Yoan








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