Touché

May 20, 2015

Finish your degree it's like hit your exclamation point in sword fighting and scream "Touché" out loud but in the same time you have a lot of scars. lots of it. You feel the pain for a moment but sometime your brain order the adrenaline to keep rushing on your body so you won't feel anything but excitement. The pain is all the things you need to fix on your thesis and the adrenaline is your best friends' loves.



When most of my friends picked internship to be done on the 7th semester, I was one of the few person that choose to do my thesis first. It was like loosing friends. Because when you wanted to ask question about your research, all your friends were busy to give their best for their internship program.

I remember on February 9th 2015 I had all day waiting for my execution. Well, wasn't really an execution (I just want to be dramatic about it).  I didn't feel anxiety before my d-day, but man... gosh... one hour before my thesis defense, I was like okay, well, I could survive this. I mean, I did a hella of works to be here and had this chance to prove my research.

My first mistake is I was too confident about myself so when I have all the things that need to be revised I feel like crap, literally an idiot. I wanted to argue so much, but I knew they're women. I know woman, since I am one of them, so yeah... believe me, if they weren't your mother, your aunt, or your great great great grand ma, they ONLY need you to nod your head and tell them that you're understood and just keep nodding your head. Any useless argument about how right you are and the whole reason won't be valid.

Maybe I was wrong at some point. maybe I wasn't. But really, they won't care and argument is useless when you try to prove them wrong. I'm not trying to generalize  things for all the case in the whole world but yeah, you will know people who would listen to you and people who careless about listening and stuff when you meet one. So that's why I don't really want to deal or mess with woman in general. They are complicated. I AM COMPLICATED. I KNOW!

My second mistake was I picked politic as my research study. I mean, if you want it to be easy, never ever ever in a million years pick politic as your thesis!

My lowest point 
I remember after nailed my thesis defense, I need to revise things. It was so hard. Like literally hard. No sources, no guidance, no nothing. I remember the moment at 6 PM when I cried in front of  Function Hall alone and DI and V came to me. I also remember when E texted me that day and picked me at campus and saw me crying in the corner. I was like so fucked up! 

I mean parents' thing won't really make me cry, well, maybe sad but not cry uh...uh. boyfriend things and relationship things won't make me cry either. Money won't make me cry. But if you take away my knowledge, my academic grades and stuff, friendship, you'll send me to hell right away. 

Well after that day, I start to cry a lot for lots of things. Like good bye, death, I did cry even for funny moment. I hate it, make me feel like a weak person. Used to be like this :

P : Selama temenan sama lu, gue kok enggak pernah liat lo nangis?
I  : Ih, iya ya, gue dari smp temenan sama yoan enggak pernah liat dia nangis.
P : Baca webtoon korea yang serem itu aja harusnya kaget malah ketawa.
I  : Iya kaget banget padahal, dia malah ketawa.

Y : *Senyum datar*

P : Eh pernah tau yoan nangis, gara-gara koko R.
I  : Iya, yang pulang-pulang nangis di dormi.

Y : Ah,kesel itu zaman alay. Lagi pms. Ga usah diinget-inget.

Or more stupid like this :

A : Lo mau ngapain Yo?
Y : Mau nonton drama korea, biar gue nangis. Udah lama nggak nangis, kangen gue.
A : Hahahaha ada-ada aja.
Y : *nonton drama korea maraton sambil beneran nangis haru biru*

The conclusion is I tend to look weak right now. Too easy to weep at things after my thesis defense. Well, maybe I was weak before but I could control myself to not shade a tears and act like I get all my shit together. Acting tough. But then again, I think I am not just acting tough, I do tough, I am a mentally strong person.

After finished my thesis, I signed for internship. My internship at hotel went well. I felt welcome most of the time. Read here about my internship.

Had a crush over a guy, or two maybe... and then suddenly stop. And maybe will start again at some point, but maybe won't. Anything could happen, I don't want to regret anything so I just want to leave it be open ended. Who knew?

Internship report

I did pray to have Mr. CE as my internship lecturer. Mr. CE is one of my favorite lecturer here at Uni. He is in my top 3!^^

I did aware that I will have Mr. IHP as my internship examiner. He actually the killer lecturer here at Uni but I have no problem with the killer one. I always thought he is one of the smartest lecturer so I will grow if I have a chance to deal with him.

I did pray for this report to go smooth.

I had it all. So I wanted to thank God about these. 
 

Closing

I cut my hair shorter than the last time. I just have to. I'm sorry for not sorry for all the people who keep telling me to grow my hair. So? Touché?!


Yoan Letsoin




You Might Also Like

0 comments