Gdzie idziemy?

July 05, 2017

It's been a while again. Too many responsibilities I have to face these 3 years, please bear with me and be patient. Hahaha, wish life isn't that much complicated for clueless person like me. I wonder if I over shared my own private moments sometimes, but it's okay too since they're all laugh for all the funny things (or even sad things) that happened to me. "Don't worry baby, we can always have a good laugh."

Last weeked, just like any other weekend before, I went to church. When I prayed, I just lost in a moment. I don't know what to ask from God. 

To be fair, I have a lot of things I want. Many-many-many things. But I feel sorry for God. I know He can do everything, but to ask Him to do certain things for me make me feel like ... I don't know, like one more ungrateful human. So instead of listing what I want and need, I just wish for the loved one safety and happiness. It's okay, He knows what to do with my life, since I don't. Hahaha...

Hey, I took a break for a while from social media now. I want to be present at my own life and just write and paint and listen to music and think and maybe cry too, I need to cry and laugh or just to feel alive. Nope, I am not even kidding. To be more focus on my 24 hours and be true to myself if I still want the same things as I wish for them to come true.



Don't say good bye to me, describe the sky to me...

It's always the same problem, just different people.

I noticed how her voice got deep when talk about him. She knows what she want but he just not that brave enough yet. Not this time. She knows her limit and boundaries while he only wanted a really great escape, the happy one, the best one but without responsibility of whatsoever. They meant it well, only happiness to one and another but he can't help how the world shaped him, become slightly different person with illusion of happiness. Then she cries on one summer day as she's afraid she might lose him in any second as his mind already wanted to travel to another direction that she's not going to try, as she's sure that direction isn't what she wanted in life. 

Now, she will talk to him this weekend, explaining to him from heart to heart that sometimes, it's okay not to know everything in life, and it's okay too if he couldn't try all the things in life. She's brave enough to accept the pain, because she has been crying for the past 24 hours.

It might take another 2 years to move on, but keep the chin up and hope for the better.
It's okay, it will be okay, she knows what she wants. Right? 

While on the other side, I heard another best friend I know still got in a hook. Dealing with the man that keep running back and forth. This was insane. I know she knows how to handle shit, but he's like this famous Kryptonite. Now she's learning not to care when she's indeed care. To fight against all feelings, even if it's sincere. 

I hope for everything will be alright eventually for both of them.

For some reason, I never delete this couple picture from my phone. I don't even know who they are.


It's funny how some people decided to change themselves to fit in those other people's needs or dreams. Trying to fill those people's need, trying to fit in, but denied her or his own true self. Looks desperate somehow, but maybe I don't really understand when you're trying to branding your image just to make people like you more and hating other people you don't really hate.

Even best friend, the real one, will always laugh at you when you cry over boys, or did something embarrassing in public, but they will always be there, beside you or on the other of the line, listen to how stupid your life decisions are and how ridiculous your logic are.

The idea of being alone is scary, I know as I don't want to be alone in life. I can do everything alone and I also have my squads, but it's different, I know. But to change the 'whole you' as someone you're not, it doesn't feel right. I'm worried if later you'll be happy as somehow, I do care even if we're not that close enough to each other. 

I don't know, sometimes my words don't make sense.

Screenshot of video call with squads, Ivana wasn't available due to work.

What do you want?

Now, let me asking you, do you have a plan for this?
"I don't."
Can you ask him?
"Useless."
Then how if turn out to be... you know?
"I won't."
This is sad, but just tell me if you need my help, okay?
"Okay,"


Don't ask woman what she wants, you will never get the full closure as she won't say it before you answer it first. We're designed to be submissive, especially woman in Asia. I don't mean it to sounds like we're not open for changes or new world of feminism, but we simply know 'our place'. Sounds too sad, but actually it's not when you know how to play in your own place. I'm hundred percent support the feminism acts and I enjoy with my own place so far. So, it still win-win.

Lisha-Bery's Engagement 
I told you on my previous post that she's sure now of having this particular person for her future. So glad, as I know how long has it been she's been struggling to decide what she wanted in life. This paragraph is here only to follow up on Lisha's happy moment.

Remember, the one who always  there and brave enough to propose you many times, and rejected many times too, will win your heart. You just... have to try to take your chances.


You Just Have To Believe Too

I never shared stories about this particular person in my life on my blog. But you will see random picture of him on my Instagram account. For his safety, let's call him bubu. He wanted to be called that (I swear I don't make up things, you could just ask him- If you have chance of meeting this favorite person of mine).

I'm happy with the basics, and I decided to trust you because I can't help it, I just believe so.



Lay your head where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me 


Kasih

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